the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
