you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
