this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
