just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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