Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
