Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
