so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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