ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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