sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
