Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just cut my nipple shaving
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
