There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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