I puked a lego.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize