i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
