In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
