It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
