I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
