I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this will be a night to untag.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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