Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
