I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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