She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
