i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
