I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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