I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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