I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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