Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
