he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
