I cockslap morals
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
