Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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