If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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