my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
