From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just googled if crying burns calories
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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