and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
