no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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