DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
