K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
