I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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