it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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