Can i not drive my cunt home
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
not ubering you a puppy
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
