Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
