you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
