toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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