Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize