you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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