For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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