don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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