CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
