Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
