Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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