At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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