In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
