i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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