Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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