just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wanna bring you to show and tell
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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