Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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