shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
