worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
