sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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