Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
