what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
