just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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