billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
