Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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