He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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