Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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