i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
