I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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