guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
