She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
