I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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