So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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