I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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