remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
