See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
