things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
