We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
