mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
