i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
