I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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