How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize