It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
